Fight "The Weakness"

Watch out. Sometimes infections can get you when you least expect it.


This would be a good time to reinstall the invisible force field that came with your Office 2000 Security Suite.

You never know, you never know.

Hoarse

Apparently, it is possible to cough SO much that you loose your voice -resulting in having to "email" out sick...rather than call. I thought I'd heard it all...apparently not.

Coughing- Day 68

Well, some things just really get old. REALLY freakin' old. Misery loves company so much that in order to keep the company, the coughing persists.

Coughing- Day 34

This has gone on long enough. Time to get to the BOTTOM of it.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Yah, man, get your ass away from the PlugIn...you just might ignite.


(Liars....why do we attrack so many to this office?)

Yes, we have no bananas

I learned this weekend that SOMETIMES alcohol, friends and bananas make for some WEIRD pictures.

Thanks for the laughs guys :)

(Don't ask why so many bananas...you might find out!)

Fresh?

What part of "fresh" air = one of these jobbbers?

One of the Great Wonders of the World

These are apparently one of the greatest wonders of the modern world...well to some people.

More Shit That Makes Me Laugh

Need I "Say" More?

Pictures are worth a thousand words they say....

Plaid Stallions : Rambling and Reflections on 70's pop culture: His and Her Bikini Briefs

Plaid Stallions : Rambling and Reflections on 70's pop culture: His and Her Bikini Briefs

Beat Me to it

Apparently, someone else is having random thoughts about the vulgarities of matching 'anythings'.

GROSSER!

Perfectly Disgustingly Coordinated

I bet some people LOVE to coordinate things, plan things, re-coordinate, re-plan, SOOO much that they might be caught doing this!


GROSS!

Fire Hazard

Serious stuff! You don't wanna mess around, buddy. Just UN-Plug-in.

Work with Me Here

Seriously, get your ASS to work! And WORK!

Cough and Get It Done With

This is day 7 of the cough/throat clearing. Jesus H, he needs to get over it. Or the bottom of it, or what ever he freakin' says. I know, I sound angry...AND I AM.

Naiveté

Did you know it is IMPOSSIBLE to get hit while in a parking garage? Did you also know it is IMPOSSIBLE to cough from animal allergies? Did you know that if you are out of Motrin, you are more than likely also out of IBUPROPHEN? Did you know that you cannot cure a common cold with over the counter medication? (And buddy, no matter how hard you try, you ain't going to, so stop trying, because if you did THAT , it would be published in the JAMA!)

Let's start making that little jump from what you KNOW to be true, and what MIGHT be possible. A little COMMON SENSE goes very far!

Worried Sick

Apparently some people really worry themselves into sickness. If a couple unfortunate events, but no loss of life or limb, constitutes the worst week of someone's life, then I really need to reevaluate the severity of the life I have led. I am pretty sure, if that is the gauge, then I would be dead by now from worry. GET OVER IT people.

New Word

Flavorite= your favorite flavor of something.

Enlightenment

There is NO appropriate time to talk about the stuff dripping from your nose down the back of your throat.

More I didn't know I didn't know

That diseases passed to you by your spouse are at the same time not contagious to co-workers. Um, yah, that makes sense.

Cough, cough, c-c-c-humpt--c-c-cough.

EWWW

Sense of Freedom

It is amazing what a sense of freedom there is when certain personalities are removed from the office. This might be equated to the closest thing to vacation work can be :)

Oh-bitch-uary

This is what will be written when I die. Please not in the Post though, ok?

Oh Mommy!

Answering your office phone "Hi, mommy!" ??? You just need to leave that crap at home.

Diggin' Around

Sometimes there are sounds that come out of people's offices that imply they are diggin' to China in there. Don't they know that this isn't possible?

Shufflers

Sloopa, sloopa, sloopa, is the sound I hear as he shuffles past my office. PICK YOUR GOD DAMN FEET UP. (Phew! Feel better now that that is out.) I know you don't get out much, but when you do, go all out, lift the feet, breath in deep, and relish in the fact that you are MOVING! It is 10AM you know, and maybe you wanna act like you have actually been awake more than 2 hours and 27 minutes (27 because it took 24 to get here, and 3 for you to throw on your slacks!)

Booogy Man

Yah, he's back in the phone lines again apparently. If a number doesn't register in caller ID, it must be the BOOOOGY MAN calling!

I gotta check, let me get back to you...

Hey, buddy. If you need to check with the wifey to pee, then you got issues.

Lunch "Takers"

Oh (shiver) if he/she misses lunch!

Does he/she secretly fold a white napkin on his/her lap?

Does he/she classify a 'bad day at work' as a day in which lunch is "late" or "early"?

Does he /she PLAN what they take the night before...and pack it in their LUNCH BOX with the napkin?

What happens to a lunch "taker" when the paper plate supply is GONE (unexpectedly!)??

Girly Man

If your voice is higher than mine, AND you have nuts, you might wanna work on that.

SOOOOO Sorry

Yah you got that right!

(not much else, but you got that part right!)

Phone A Phobes Part Two

Apparently the booooogy man can get you if you are the CALLER as well.


What part of call "so and so" means you send an email???

I didn't know I didn't know

Why would anyone want to portray ALL their work products as having potential flaws, and unworthy of any credibility, prefacing any submissions with "I am confused, but try this..."

Workin' Hard

Answering "Hullo?", giggling, saying "I miss you"...oh that has GOT to be a work related call.

What to Ask But Can't

I just really wanna ask sometimes which one we should be lookin' at, but can't.

Lunch Box

If methodically, you tote your lunch to work in one of these, even though you work within a 30 minute drive, and there is NO CHANCE IN HELL that your lunch is gonna spoil, then you are officially a FREAK!

Anyways

Why the "s"? Is there something about this word that makes people want to pluralize it?

As in: Anyways, I always ride the trains?

Anyhow, anyway, but not anywayS.

Name Sayers

Argh, this one gets me. Why do some people use your name while talking or writing to you, more than just in the 'opening'?

Example:

Tina,

Thanks, Tina, for the lovely time yesterday. I really enjoyed the fried chicken you brought to the picnic. Tina, I didn't know you were such a great cook. I would like to get that recipe from you, Tina.

Yours truely, Tina,

Charles


Is Tina recovering from amnesia, and in danger of forgetting her own name? Does she forget who she is and get to her name and go, "PHEW!, glad he reminded me."

Actually, Charles, you've got issues. People get creeped out by this. It isn't normal, and for god's sake, STOP SAYING MY NAME!

Runonandonandon Sentence

If you can't even READ the sentence without taking 2 breaths, then there is a good chance you have just written a runon. If you cannot even begin to make heads or tails of the rambling and you start to have to reread the thing just to start to get a clue what the thing is trying to say to you in the first place and you are confused and then you have to start to read it again but you still aren't getting it and you turn blue while trying to read it out loud and you got a cramp in your thumb typing it then it is a runon oh and don't forget to not use any punctuation either but didn't that part of grammar get taught in grade school?

Geez, take a chill pill buddy.

Close Inspection

Why would someone want to get 3 inches from the surface of their desk to read something? Does he need glasses? Does he need Vivarin? Is his neck broken?

Long Hair on a Bald Man

Why is this a good thing?

Up Mixed

Monotone refers to a sound, for example speech or music, that has a single unvaried tone.

Monochrome comes from the two Greek words mono (meaning "one"), and chroma (χρωμα, meaning "surface" or "the color of the skin"

Please do not confuse them, and speak in a monochromatic voice about your monotone haircolor.

Girlz

I bet the "Kool Katz" don't know this is in RERUNS now.

Small Man Big Attitude

Why does this always happen?



OVERCOMPENSATION? (Alloneword.)

Kool Kats

These are those old guys at work who think that just because they can toss around a few names, and make a few phone calls, that they are somebody.

Oh PULeeEEeaze!

Some things that we decided we have outgrown (doesn't mean we have):

1) Clinginess

2) The need to spend "quality time" together

3) Belly button rings

4) Saying "I miss you" on the phone, when last seeing that person THAT MORNING.

5) Giggling (unless it is in the office)

Cogs are Turning

Ever wonder what makes your computer work?

Urgent!

Ever worked for someone who thought everything was URGENT? (NO, snickering from the peanut gallery...I am immune from the thoughts in my own blog.)

Other Phone Issues I Have With Annoying Freakin People at Work

Wow, run-on sentence for a title, but oh well.

Ok, why do people call 2 or 3 times in a fifteen minute span (as well as adjacent co-workers) if you don't answer your phone? Of course if one is sitting there doing nothing he/she SHOULD answer, but if you are in a meeting, working other pressing issues, etc...isn't that what voicemail is for.

And when they do reach you, they want to know if you got their email. Yah, buddy, that's urgent. (HINT: Read receipts.)

Phone A Phobes

Anyone wanna explain why some people can't answer their phone, while sitting there doing NOTHING? Are they afraid that a big boooogy man is gonna get 'em if they answer? Oh, even worse, it MIGHT be work related, and they might have to DO something.


Phew! Vented! Feel better!

Young Guy Old Clothes

This really bugs me. Why would someone (under 30) want to wear clothes that makes him/her look like they are at least a decade older. It's not like these are just clothes that were hanging around in the back of the closet, and he/she just doesn't know when to get rid of them. These are clothes they actually went out and purchased to wear NOW.

Ususally in these cases, the clothese these people choose to wear away from work are MUCH worse than those worn at work. Some specific examples: Sun bonnets at picnics, tucked in short sleeved 'dress' shirts, and (shiver) gold chains outside the collars of said dress shirts.

Giggles From Behind the Walls

Does anyone in your office actually LAUGH OUT LOUD as they eavesdrop on your anecdotes? As if they want to be a PART of it. (Maybe they would be if they weren't FORTRESSED into their offices by paper!) Gosh, such quirks!

Clean Desk Dirty Floor

Is there a reason for wanting a desk without a lick of paper, a pen, or a paperclip on top, but meanwhile having MOUNDS of papers around the perimeter of the room. Do these people feel 'neat' because the plane on which they are working looks efficient, but God help them if they try to leave the room. Virtual obstical course I tell ya. Maybe this is why these sorts often hibernate in their offices all day, only to emerge to take their pee at 10 and 2 and microwave their lunch at 12:55 (yup, Plannerism too!)

Plannerism

This is what I am going to call the disorder for people who take planning to the extreme. If you actually PLAN to go to the store because you only have ONE APPLE LEFT (Oh NO!!!!!!!) then you have plannerism.

Proof Read

That is "past tense" for proofread. As in, I proof read the email AFTER I sent it to the whole company. Umm, why? The deed is done.

Blinkers

You know who they are. They are those annoying people at work who blink when you talk, INCESSANTLY. Like as if each word you say is being absorbed into his/her brain by a brief closure of the eyes. You wanna say "What ya blinkin' about buddy?"...or "Blink about this for a while." Do they know they do this? Are they secretly annoyed by the non-blinking? Do they sit at home thinking "Gosh, how do those people do it all day? I mean their eyes must be as dry as can be by the time they go to bed." (If they actually DO think this, they more than likely have Warts of Worry too, but that is a WHOLE 'nother story.)

Strong Names

I once heard of someone who thought that her name was worth using (over her husband's) because it was strong. We are talking about a last name here. Not a first name, like Augustus in lieu of Ned, but a last name. There is apparently a lot more to last names than I thought. Are these weak names: Smith, Jones, or Doe ? I dunno; something tells me a name is what you make of it.

Night Gowns

What is up with people who sleep in night gowns? Not pajamas...nightgowns. Better yet, what is up with people who sleep in nightgowns (exclusively) and then share this fact with OTHER people.

Warnings On a Box of Eye Drops

For external use only.

Initial exacerbation of symptons may occur.

Use only if bottle seal is intact.

Replace cap tightly after every use.

To avoid contamination, do not touch the tip of the container to any surface.

Discard open bottle after 30 days.

Contact wearers: consult a physician prior to using.



Woow...woow....wooow. Rewind there...that first one. You mean I shouldn't puncture my eyeball and squeeze the stuff inside. Phew! Good thing I read the box (left on my desk by my lovely coworker.)

TMI

Why on earth do people feel the need to have a favorite car? Seriously, we can do without knowing what you secretly wish you were about to speed away from work in each day.

Warts of Worry

Some people should be covered with them.

Rearrange Funds

Why do people feel the need to openly discuss what poor managers of their finances they are...and announce they need to 'rearrange funds' when expense checks don't come soon enough?




....WHOOSH.....gotta run to the bank before they close!

Inhabit This

What is it about aging that makes every hair on a man's body turn unruly?

There is a man who works here, of unmentionable name, which has the largest eyebrows I think are humanly possible. I think small animals might live in them...or at least visit occasionally.

NeverMind

I found my answer, nevermind.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2829_dress-disco.html

Steppin' Out

What part of dressed up = gold neck chain??? I'd just like to know.

Magnum PI

Some things about the 80s will never be good again...including chest hair. My hubby just told me some one at work said his outfit today was very Magnum PI (there was a REASON for this, don't faint dead away.)

Level of Severity

At what point do you decide to go to the doctor?

a) when your leg falls off, and you can't get in to work.

b) when you have a fever and chills for 3 days, and you can't get in to work.

c) when you cough inexplicably in the night, and you can't get in to work.

d) when you don't want to go to work.

Adult

What seperates the adults from the young adults is our ability to switch very quickly between acting like we are 7 to acting like we are 32...someone I know's real age. More on this later.

Are we Live?

Ok, after a few days or so, most new forms of entertainment get old. Well, not the case with our latest and greatest.- MSN has a new version of messenger- Messenger Live. The reason that we have been so amused by this, is you can upload ANYTHING and make it an emoticon. The best ones are those with animation. No more boring :) and *^_^*... I will not admit to the types of smileys waiting to upload by googleing "smiley"...but let's just say that collectively we found a few hundred to trade back and forth.